Hey everyone! So this weekend, I got together with a group of girlfriends to watch the LifeTime film "Love by the 10th Date." The film is about a young woman named Gabrielle who has never reached a 10th date with anyone, so she decides to take on the challenge of trying to reach the 10th date with the same guy within a 60 day time frame. During her journey she finds herself failing to reach the 10th date which causes her to question her worth. She starts to wonder if she's beautiful enough, smart enough, funny enough, just enough period. Towards the very end of the movie, when she finally feels like she is making the right choice of a guy, she writes the reminder "I am enough," in her hand, and proceeds to kiss her Mr. Right. When the movie was over, my girlfriends and I discussed some of the past fails we've had in relationships that even made us too question if we were enough, because we weren't treated as if we were. It's funny how in relationships we tend to attribute the way a person is treating us with how much we are worth. Ironically, our worth has nothing to do with how a person treats us, but how we allow them to treat us. Very seldom does the way a person treat you determine your worth, the way they treat you is a direct reflection of who they really are and their worth. Many times in relationships we feel that the way someone treats us or act towards us has something to do with us, when in actuality it has everything to do with them and who they are.
Woman have been groomed to become this idealistic woman for the purpose of appealing to a man. Which in turns makes it very easy for us to blame ourselves once a relationship goes wrong, i.e. causing women to wonder if they are "enough" for the man they are desiring. What I love about the film is that at the moment where she became her authentic self, recognized her own worth, and finally loved herself first, is the exact moment that her career took off and she finally got with who she felt was the man for her. It wasn't when she was trying to fit into this box that society or social media has portrayed as a "baddie" or "goals" or even "wcw." Women will read 1001 books about how to attract the right guy or how to become wifey material, clothing themselves with the ideas and opinions of others, covering themselves in layers of inauthenticity. Then after we are covered, we wait for the magic to happen and expect to fall in love and live the life of our dreams.
Reality check: The life of your dreams is the life where you are your authentic self, free from all of the layers of ideas, opinions, and trends of society.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to wear the latest fashion trends or hairstyles, but there is something wrong if you let it define you. Or if you're only doing it for the attention of others, neglecting how you really feel about it. Instead, wear what you want, style your hair just like you like it, embrace what you love and watch yourself illuminate. I've read countless stories of women who cut all of their hair off and now feel freedom and confidence like never before. I am not saying everyone should just go cutting their hair off, but I am saying do what feels right for you. Embrace your beauty, because beauty is not one size fits all, beauty comes in a multiplicity of sizes, shapes, shades, and sass. Put down the self-help books that allude you to believe with the right tools you will meet the right guy. There is no formula to meeting the right guy, but there is a formula for being the right woman. That formula is knowing, remembering, engraving in your heart that you are and will always be enough. The right person will come along, at a God appointed time. Until then succeed at everything you do and make sure whatever you touch turns to gold (figure of speech.lol). The most important person you'll ever love next to Christ is yourself. Because if we don't first love ourselves, we won't properly know how to love others. So, I challenge all of my women readers to begin now embracing your true, authentic self, discovering how to love you first.
"Know, Remember, and Engrave in your heart that you are and will always be ENOUGH."
- Love Rissa.
P.S. Praying for every single one of you as always! I love and appreciate you! Have a great week!
Clarissa C. Burton, M.S.W
Devoted to guiding others toward living a life they don't need a vacation from.