I believe there is a time and purpose for everything in our life. One of the most important times in our life is the portion of our life we spend single. We live in a generation that wants to have everything instantaneously, dismissing the process it takes to receive the things we desire. During your time of singleness is the time you should be preparing for the future but also achieving your personal dreams. Ladies this is the time that you work on becoming the woman you've always dreamed of being. If you have a dream of starting a business or progressing on your current job, this is the time to spend doing that. This is the time we should be working on getting closer to Christ and really allowing Him to SHAPE and MOLD us into what He wants us to be. There is one area I want to focus on the most, the thing that is a common desire for single women right now.
Desire for a relationship?
First, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH DESIRING A RELATIONSHIP! We were created for God's purpose and his purpose includes us being married. So anyone who tries to tell you that you should not desire one, is wrong. Where it becomes a problem for most of us is when that desire takes over. When it is all we think about, talk about, and daydream about. It then turns from a desire to a distraction. Then when we get into a relationship we tend to slowly begin to push our relationship to the front and many other things to the back. Little by little a lot of things begin to fall by the wayside and the relationship becomes the most important thing to us. This is a problem because relationships are supposed to be healthy and balanced, which means it should not be the center of your world or distracting you from your purpose.
How do you keep your desire from becoming a distraction?
Honestly you have to watch your thoughts and what you allow yourself to dwell on constantly. What would happen with me was I constantly watched cheesy love movies almost every weekend. It not only created a false sense of desire in me, but it also caused me to have unrealistic expectations. Yes, eventually I want a relationship, but the right way. Not the way movies would teach me or what society portrays to be an "ideal relationship." Make a list of what you desire and give it to God. He will not only meet that but go beyond that. After that leave it up to God and continue becoming a better you. Let Him handle your love life. I can hear someone now, "But girl he taking too long." My mom taught me something long time ago that sticks with me now, "Any delay with God is a good delay, because His timing is perfect." Be patient, patient and more patient. At the right time it will happen, in the meantime enjoy your life. Travel, shop, work towards promotion on your job, exercise, start a business, or whatever dreams you have, pursue them. There is a purpose for your single season just as much as there is a purpose for your season of being in a relationship and marriage.
How to sustain a healthy balance while in a relationship?
By building a friendship and really getting to know one another without including sex, yes I said it, No Sex. It clouds your judgment when it's time to make decisions regarding your relationship. It fills your heart with emotions and we cannot trust emotions because they can sway you three different ways all within a day's time. You know when you want to kiss him, but punch him at the same time? Or when you say you are done with him then contact him again saying you want him back all within a day? Yeah, that's not healthy at all. So we have to really filter what we think about, what we watch ,and also the company we keep. If you have friends that always talk about being with a guy ,or how they love the sex they are having, it may be time to surround yourself with women who have the same mindset as you when it comes to that. Someone who supports your decision to abstain and wait for God to introduce the right guy to you. If you rush the process and dwell on a relationship all the time then you can end up settling for just anyone. Also, making sure the guy is on the same page as you. If he doesn't understand that a woman that thinks he's worth waiting for is something of treasure, then let him go. A woman or man that is willing to say I will accept you. Good, bad, disabled, lost your job, or whatever it may be without even laying down in bed with you, is someone you can rest assure is God sent. In our day and age that is a rarity but it is definitely possible with God.
So remember, have filters, abstain from sex, build a strong friendship, and pray about if this is who God has for you. God is not out to get you, He wants you to have the best, so listen to Him and trust Him.
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"If you find yourself struggling with loneliness and desiring a relationship, pray and ask God to make the desire you have a healthy one. Ask him at the right time to let a relationship develop in your life. If you are in a relationship ask Him to help you and your partner create a healthy balance with each other. Ask God to help you defeat the sexual desires you have and have a hunger for waiting for your significant other. If you need something to do with your time while you are waiting ask Him what He wants you to be doing right now, what things He desires for you to accomplish right now."
Have a great week and as always I will be praying for each and every one of you! - Love, Rissa
Clarissa C. Burton, M.S.W
Devoted to guiding others toward living a life they don't need a vacation from.