I hate the word disappointment, just saying the word feels like someone just told me the party was over as soon I started having fun. Disappointment comes in all shapes in sizes, whether its something small like not getting the deal you wanted on a purchase, or maybe an unexpected expense that pops up out of no where or something huge like a relationship ending or a death of a loved one. Whether we like it or not in this life, disappointment will come. I can't tell you when or where, but I can promise you it will come. Sometimes it'll come and it'll only make you stumble a little, but then there are times where it comes and it completely knocks you down. Sounds painful, but what if when it came you knew how to deal with it so the bitterness would be a little more bittersweet. What if I told you that you could be so proactive that when it came it didn't take you by surprise? Well, here's a try at giving you part of the plan to deal with disappointment (because the other part, the big man upstairs will do).
Be Honest- This means being honest with yourself when Disappointment knocks on your door. Be honest with how you feel, don't hide the pain or the tears. Let it all out! Give yourself the time to be honest about how bad it hurt, block out the thoughts that tell you not to let it hurt you or that you'll look crazy for caring about it. Its okay to not be okay. Don't tell yourself be strong and suck it up, because thats not healing thats suppression. Let yourself feel the natural feelings we have about what happen to us. Don't try to find the answer as to why it happen and most importantly don't blame yourself and fall into self pity. Whether the outcome was fair or unfair, it happens to all of us and we have to deal with it healthily so it won't overtake us. So as soon as it happens, take the time to honestly deal with it and acknowledge that it hurt you. Take time to cry, be angry, but don't make a home there, its only the start of the plan.
Be Active- Now that you have acknowledged that it hurt or that it completely pissed you off. Its time to get active! And no I'm not talking about working out.lol Actively pursue healing! People say that its time that heals all, I say that its intentionality that heals all. You have to be intentional about your pursuit to healing and moving forward after being disappointed. I know this all too well, I recently spent more than a year trying to get over a broken friendship and nothing seemed to be working. I just couldn't understand why it happened to me when I was simply minding my own little business and never asked for the person to enter my life in the first place. I'm sure many of you can relate to that.lol Here you are minding your business and here come little Johnny or Bianca (Idk why I chose those names lol) entering your life.lol Well it didn't matter if I was minding my business, disappointment came knocking, and for awhile I let it knock me down. It wasn't until I actively began pursuing new and fresh beginnings. It wasn't until I chose to chase after healing, forgiveness, and new opportunities that I finally started to get up. Time alone doesn't heal, pursuing healing it what brings it forth. I got active with my friends and spending time with them. I got active and continued to live my life, doing the things I loved to do again. If you sit in your sorrows, you will potentially drown there. You have to make a conscious decision that it happened, but you won't let it overtake you. This is when you can say, So what so and so left, or so what I didn't get that job, and so on. One thing you can know for absolute sure is that whatever disappointed you, will not be the end of you. There is so much greater still waiting for you out there. And if it was a loss of a loved one, know that it may take longer, but keep in mind that every day that you pursue wholeness, your dreams, and your passions, you are healing.
Be Accepting- Lastly, accept what is and pray. We have to accept those things that we cannot change and pray for those things that we can. Its almost like swallowing a huge horse pill. Its uncomfortable going down, but the nutrients we get from it far outweigh the discomfort and pain. Acceptance is a daily awareness that you are okay and loved no matter what happens. In life we will continue to have those things in which we can't change, but since we can't change the thing, we should change our mindset about the thing and learn to trust that someone bigger, stronger, and all powerful is watching and He got you!
Hope this helps and I hope one day when disappointment knocks on your door, you remember... Be Honest, Be Active, and Be Accepting! God got you!
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Clarissa C. Burton, M.S.W
Devoted to guiding others toward living a life they don't need a vacation from.